Now 'til whenever!
Just to set a limit, I'll say Monday :p

I am a fatass, yet again.
5'4 and 105, and I feel like the biggest trainwreck in town.
I need to be at 95 before I can ever set foot on the beach.
Spring break is next week, so I have a week to lose this fattyness.
I really wish I could fast, but I know I'll pass out during track without eating something.
I have a meet on Friday though, which means I can get away with scrupulous exercise suspicion free!
I'm going to keep myself at 100 cal per day, just eating before track only.
That website that was posted a little while ago, is really cool.
anabones.wetpaint.com?
I really want to try the MK challenge.
Is it just me or is having a potential love interest in mind always really motivational?
Oh wow, I haven't been on here in ages, so I'd better update you.
My last boyfriend turned out to be a dick, and I broke up with him the day before our 6mo. anniversary. Says something, right?
Yeah well, I lost all dignity when I called him for two weeks after trying to talk to him. It really just felt wrong since he was the first boy I'd ever felt "in love" with.
Anyway, that's over and there's this guy named Jared.
He's reallllllly sweet!
annd he makes me want to lose 20lbs! Even though he doesn't care, and he's not even skinny himself (he's average, pretty muscular, does crew if that helps make a picture for you haha)...
I don't know why guys do this to me, but they do and I kind of love it.
Hope you're all doing well!
Man there are a lot of new faces on here.

I hate knowing I like him so much more than he does me, and the fact that I don't feel like I can believe him when he says he loves me.
The fucking difference between when he said it and I did, is that I meant it. I don't know what the hell I can believe from him though.
As if long distance wasn't enough to keep me worried, he's "too busy" to talk to me on the phone now. If you're willing to say you love me, can't you give me just five minutes a day?
All that bullshit about taking me off his facebook. What the fuck ever. I bet he's cheating on me, and I bet he'll break up with me at the tournament this weekend. Fuck him. What hurts the most is that I still think about him about 50% of the time, and I still feel very attached. I wish this had never happened, because then it wouldn't suck so bad for him to break my heart.
What the fuck ever. It's all over now, right? I'm not going to be that girl that keeps crawling back, if/when he realizes how shitty of a boyfriend he was/is. I could never get back together with him, I'm too insecure for that shit.
At the very least, at least this is motivating me to be skinny/attractive by the time I see him. Fasting/exercising/studying like a madwoman. I will not let him get to me, at least in terms of my physique and knowledge. I bet if he breaks up with me, he'll be off to flirt with every girl there in no time. I'll be fucking ready. This can be war, if he wants it. I'll flirt with 10 guys for every 3 girls he tries to get numbers from.
It's not like it's happened yet, but I'm betting on the worst for some reason.
The fucking worst thing about him is that I thought he was one of the most interesting/best guys I've ever known, and for a while he actually had me believing in love, and that males could be monogamous, and that I was "beautiful" enough for someone. Fuck it all. Now I just feel like my stomach's being wringed, and my chest is going to combust.
I want him to understand, but it's not like I've ever been a genius with confrontation.
I just want to curl up in a ball, sleep, and try not to dream.

Unrequited love's a bore, and I've got it pretty bad.

Height 5'4"
The jacket probably makes me look even fatter, but overguessing is always motivational :].

I need to get to my goal by Friday for my party!!!!

Being thin and staying thin>Binging on junk and ruining my progress
Hipbones>Lovehandles
Skinny thighs>Saddlebags and looking fat in jeans
Tiny arms>Jiggling flabby arms
Running and exercising>Wasting time in the kitchen
No food, more confidence>Food, bigger midsection
Looking good no matter what I'm wearing>Spending an hour trying to find clothes to make me "look" thin
Feeling light>Feeling bloated
My body at 79>My body at 105
Spending time studying and getting good grades>Spending time eating and gaining weight back
1 extra hour every day>1 hour spent shoveling unnecessary calories into my body every day
Carrots, apples, spinach>bread, desserts, junk food
Tea, Diet Pop, Water>Creamy and high fat coffee blends, Full calorie pop, High sugar sports drinks
Being carried around and told "You're so light.">Being too heavy to lift and being told "Damn, I think you broke my back."
Prancing around in my bikini with no worries>Wearing cover ups to the beach and feeling jealous of the tall skinny girls
Being small enough to fit into the first size on the rack>Having to ask for the next size up

In simple terms, food makes you fat.
NO FOOD FOR ME.

Applying to college is getting me pretty fucking nervous.
I have so much work to do this year.
Why are medical schools so damn impossible to get into?
I'm too worried to eat lol.

"The diet of a man of self-restraint must be different from that of a man of pleasure just as their ways of life are different." - Gandhi
If I can can control my diet, then I am practicing my control over myself.

It seems like every time I spend too much time in a row with friends that I can't stop eating and then I get depressed.
Why can't I just control myself around them?
I'm fighting this fat.
Tomorrow and Monday are fasting days for me!
Tuesday and Wednesday are strictly steamed veggies.
Thursday is fasting.
Friday is a salad day.
Saturday through Monday are fasting days.
Deal.
-Shelly

On Friday, if I can see my hipbones again , I'm getting a new smaller school jacket :].
I'm not going to weight myself until Sunday though; the anticipation will motivate me to fast longer.

I need to just start restricting more again.
My limit will be 300 cal a day, one meal a day, and as much and many diet pops, teas, and water as I want :].
Tomorrow: 1 Tb hummus with 12 baby carrots, 1/5 cup silken tofu mixed with 1 Tb "cookies 'n' cream" soy ice cream
Monday: 1 cup steamed broccoli with 1/4 cup lightly salted chick peas, 1/5 cup silken tofu mixed with 1 Tb "cookies 'n' cream" soy ice cream
Tuesday: 1 TB hummus with 8 baby carrots and 2 celery sticks, 1/5 cup silken tofu mixed with 1 Tb "cookies 'n' cream" soy ice cream
Wednesday: 1 cup steamed broccoli with 1/4 cup lightly salted chick peas, 1 Tb hummus with 6 baby carrots and 2 celery sticks
Thursday: 1 cup steamed broccoli with 1/4 cup lightly salted chick peas, 1 blueberry waffle
Friday: 1 cup steamed broccoli with 1/4 cup lightly salted chick peas, 1 Tb hummus with 12 baby carrots

Just so all of you know, I finally have an icon.
Does anyone else already have this one?
-Shelly

I'm on day two of my liquid fast, and I am sad to say that I am still at 104 :(.
My goal for the end of the day is 103, tomorrow 102, etc.
I really need to be at 85 by March 9th.
My goal for April 1st is 79.
I'll see what I want to do then, lose or maintain.
I really hope I make it.
What I'm planning on doing from now until those dates, is to only have liquids whenever possible, but eat small amounts when out with friends in order to avoid suspicion.
I hope I'll make it!
Good luck to all of you, hopefully nobody will get in our ways.
-Shelly

So I began my fast yesterday at about 5, and I have dropped one pound since!
(102-101)
I'm really worried about my metabolism shutting down on me and not losing anything more by Tuesday, but I guess I'll just have to wait it out and see.
If losing weight isn't the best thinspo, I don't know what is.
Well, except for maybe the fact my mom told me that I have chubby cheeks last night, LOL.
Thaaanks mom, fuel the fire :].
I hope all of you are doing great!
Ciao!
-Shelly

90

I feel like shit.
I was depressed as ever today, and I binged like crazy.
I'm a fatass wreck, and I'm still really depressed.
I just wish I could make the depression stop, and I could just be happy all the time.
My throat hurts from hyperventilating so heavily.
I wish there was a way to know what's going to happen next in my life.
I'm so anxious to know.
At the same time, I'm scared shitless.
I'm worried about everything.
I need stability, now.

Ughh, I'm on the third morning of the liquid fast, and I've still only dropped one pound!
Also, I look really bloated.
Is it from water weight, or is it that my metabolism is reallllly slow?
Cause in my last liquid fast I lost 3 lbs by the third morning.
I'm thinking ima drink some diet soda today if I can get my hands on em, and maybe take a midol.
They both act as diuretics right?
Very frustrated,
Shelly